I have previously posted my grief chart. I am downloading another copy, because it might be more printable in a PDF format.
The part of grief that I find fascinating is the initial phase: shock.
So frequently, we are able to function, and emotion doesn’t seem to cloud our vision. Usually, the next step is crying or sobbing. This is when the pain of loss sets in.
The significant part of this graph, however, is the jagged lines. What it says is that there is no set pattern of grieving. I believe it necessary that we come to understand this. In other words, when we are going through different feelings of say hopelessness, despair, hope emerges, and back to hopelessness, we come to know and understand that our pattern of grieving might be different from someone else’s. It is uniquely ours. Grieving is something that we have to work through. We can’t go around it, under it, over it, only through it.
I post the grieving chart, because it helps to illustrate that all of these feelings that we are experiencing, are legitimate grieving feelings.
I also post it for the final and best message: I deserve to be happy!
I tell all who will listen, “Go home and repeat this a hundred, thousand, million times.” It is the basis of our freedom in the United States, the pursuit of happiness. I know of no other country that aspires to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We have a unique opportunity here to further our consciousness, by these simple declarations.
When you are happy, grief disappears. Unusually, the two cannot coexist.
Repetition of the phrase “I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY,” will enable you to get through even the toughest time.
Additionally, I have also found that Martha Whitmore Hickman’s book Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief, 1994, is very helpful. It is a day-by-day reading. It is easily shared with another person with whom you are grieving. It is always nice to share your grieving processes with those who suffer the same plight.
Above all, I have found that it its necessary that you try to open your heart as much as possible to love. Frequently, our hearts are broken by the grieving process. It is important to remember that they break, to make room for bigger hearts. I always tell my friends to light the light within.
Light your light.